*NOTE (04/25/09): I will be letting this entry stay on top until maybe the weekend is over or until I rack my brain for ideas to write or the mood to share yet another story/opinion or anything at all. So comments, advices or ideas will be truly appreciated! Pardon the long post but bear with me, this is like the first time I posted something this long and shared something so personal.
Long Post. Please read. I will appreciate comments on this one! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
P.S. Kat, here's the story. This is going to be the last time I will be talking about him.*
I woke up still feeling sad over what happened the other day, you know that guy. Felt like I have a hangover from drinking much only this hangover I've got isn't curable by a Bloody Mary or by having another drink (although this one can help too). I cannot believe that I am this affected over a guy I haven't even met or seen personally. For every one's information and better understanding (and for my sake) I would share with you a brief background about the guy and how we met. I know some or even most parts would sound a little creepy but it wasn't for me at that time.
-This guy called me on my cell last January. I didn't know him but he knew me. Or at least my name and my number and where I'm from. When I asked him how he got my number he said he got it in my Facebook profile. Unbelievable. My Facebook friends at that time are all friends of mine whom I know personally, some are my friends' friends, common friends, new friends but all of them I know personally I have no online friends then at that time. But since he was polite and really fun to talk to, I didn't hung up on him but I told him about my Facebook and he kind of "ignored" me on that part. It was my first time to actually talk to a guy I haven't seen yet let alone someone calling me from another country hundreds of miles away. At first I thought it was just one of my friends tripping. I have a few friends who are in California, I thought maybe they were playing me but when his calls came in regular, I thought no friend of mine would play me like that and spend a couple of dollars making long distance call just to joke me around.
-His phone calls were regularly every other 2 nights for a week or so, I'm not sure but you get the idea. I told him we should just chat online cos it's much cheaper but he insisted on calling me on my phone. We talk about different kinds of things. No nasty talks or anything like that. No sweet nothings. Just the usual questions like "what are you doing?" "how have you been?" "do you have a boyfriend? why not?" "what do you do for fun?" stuff like that. And then the regular phone calls became text messages every once in a while. The last time he called me it lasted only a few seconds and then I haven't heard from him since. By the way, that's just January.
-After almost 3 months of not existing, he called me and texted me asking about my Mom (we talked about her in one of our conversations). He wanted to meet her and then I realized I don't even know what his last name is and what he looks like. What am I going to tell my Mom if ever? I told him that and he gave me the details, emailed me a small blurry picture of him the next day. I emailed him back and asked if he could send a clearer one. No reply. I texted him and he replied only not to my asking him to send me another picture. He's sidetracking all the time. So we text each other again and then he called me Monday and Wednesday. Every thing was going great especially that Wednesday morning phone call. I actually missed talking to him like that. Laughing and all. But then lunch time came and I insisted on wanting to see him (or at least what he look like) since he wanted to meet my Mom. I have the right to ask him for that right? It's not like I'm going to judge. I haven't asked him a picture since he first called me, only now that he wants to meet my Mom. I felt "scared" cos I realized I've been talking to a voice with no face. Okay, he described himself to me during one of our talks but it's still different. I didn't find it creepy talking to him during the earlier days. Seriously. I don't know why but he sounded okay, decent, polite, fun and I didn't bother asking for a picture. And then okay, Wednesday I told him that if he wanted to meet my Mom he should show himself to me first at least let me know what he look like cos he wanted to MEET UP with my Mom. That freaked me out cos I don't know him that much yet and they're both in LA and I'm here in the Philippines. You know what I mean? So you know what he did? He texted a description of him! Freaking description! 5'9, la la la la! I told him "show yourself to me or tell my mom the truth on how we really know each other" and that's what he did, text me a description of him! So after hours of deliberating on whether not to reply or reply and tell him he won't hear from me or my Mom until he sends me a picture, the latter won. It's been two days and no word from him. I know I shouldn't feel bad. But I do.
1. I have been talking to him since January and haven't insisted on him sending me a picture. Just now. Cos he wants to meet up with my Mom who's also in LA. How crazy and desperate am I to let my Mom meet up with a guy I only talk over the phone and not know what he looks like? Fine. He's nice and sweet and all that but still. Do he's still a stranger. If it had been only me that could meet up with him it'll be okay. Just not my Mom cos what if something happens to her? I haven't thought anything bad about the guy. EVER. But why doesn't he want to send a clearer picture?
2. I am not asking for a picture to judge or to serve as a decision maker whether he's good looking or not. It's just for safety and security reasons.
3. That's just basically it. 2 reasons. 2 points.
Is something wrong with that? I haven't even told anyone about him before because then it might seem like a desperate act to get a love life. Now, only 6 people know about him. 3 know the whole story and 3 know a lot less. Oh, my Mom knows his name and that he calls me but not the entire story. This is my first time to open up about him. I feel I have to if I want to lessen my burden and make things real cos I'm thinking this is just a dream, he is not real. I have to embrace reality even though I keep hoping that he'll email me or call me or text me tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next. Or the next...................
I had lunch with one of my girl friends at Pepper Lunch in Shangri-La earlier, strolled a bit around the mall and watched 17 Again. I am not a fan but Zac Efron looked really hot there I almost forgot that I'm heartbroken. After the movie we bought Frozen Yogurt and then hung out at her place with her sister and 2 of their friends. We watched Coyote Ugly and then some TV and before we knew it, it was dinner time so we went out for dinner at Jollibee. Right after dinner, I hailed a cab and went home.
A friend of mine (our parents are friends actually) who is like my younger sister told me a very startling and upsetting news and I cannot get over it! It's personal and I don't think I could share it here but it's the worst news of my day! She's young. And it involves a friend of mine which makes it even more frustrating. They kind of met because of me. I cannot believe this is happening to me all at once!
Please just stop. At least for now. I don't know what to do. Well I do. I know that life isn't as complicated as we think, we're the ones making things complicated but that's my problem, I've already started making them complicated and I can not un-complicate them. Like I know I shouldn't be depressed over a guy that I'm starting to like over the phone but doesn't want to show himself to me. I know it may sound pathetic to some but I was starting to like him. Argh! I know I shouldn't think of him and worry about anything that has to do with him because it's not like he's worrying about me worrying about him or thinking about me thinking about him. It's not complicated. But it's just sad.
This is going to be my last rant about him. I am so sorry if this is long but I've actually summarized it (imagine if you could hear me in person talking about him. it goes with all the expressions, feelings and tiny details).
BIPOLAR attack. I want to sleep all day tomorrow until my eyes and head hurt. I want to curl up in bed. I want to jog and sweat all day. I want to cry. I want to shout. I want to get angry and throw a bitch fit. I'm not even sure if it's because I'm heart broken or because of the frustrating news I got or just because. Every thing's crumbling down again. Nooooooo! :(