I don't know what to do with my life.

Depression sucks.

Sadness sucks.

Indecisiveness sucks.

Problems suck.

Crisis sucks.

Illness sucks.

Confusion sucks.

Unemployment sucks.

Some things that make me smile or at least help me get through each day:

1. Watching my favorite series.

2. Checking my Facebook.

3. Playing poker and chatting with a friend I met there--Tony.

3. Receiving text messages from friends.

4. Eating and sleeping or not sleeping at all.

And that's just it. How sad can my life get? Not that I want it to be worst than it already is but really, I think back and realize how sad my life is. I am so undecided whether or not to take the job that is not that bad at all since it's under my interest. I would love to get a job but I'm still undecided. I'm confused on why I'm still undecided. It's like I don't know what to do and what I want in life. I just see myself with my own family: husband and kids at home. A full-time housewife. It's not that big a dream but it's what I see myself doing. I want to work but I'm not sure what the right job is for me. I don't want to work cos I feel I'm just going to quit after a month or two. I don't want to work but I have to have my own income. I want to work because if I don't then my degree would just go to waste. 

I think I need to write down the Pro's and Con's but whichever has the most reasons, I still need to work at this point in my life. I just need some pep talk or something.

NOW WHAT?

I have been feeling depressed a lot lately which is not a really good thing to happen and to add up to that depression is getting an e-mail from Entrecard warning me to remove my full page pop-up ad on my blog or my account will be terminated! REMOVE A POP-UP AD THAT I DON'T FREAKIN' HAVE! Do I have one on my page? Seriously!? Seriously?!? What is wrong!??! And then second is seeing my PR 1 go back down to a freakin' 0!! First it was the less visitors, then the few messages, then the disappearances of followers and now my PR. How great is this, huh?

I have replied to Entrecard's e-mail and I got an automated reply with a ticket number and blah and then I checked on my account page and got pissed with how complicated it is to get help from them directly! If you don't see me dropping or my EC widget's gone then it means they have terminated my account. They gave me 72 hours to remove something I don't have in my page! 

About my PR....forget it! I have no idea how it happened. It just did. Thanks!

Enough ranting for me for tonight. I'm doing a "research" on something and don't worry I'm going to share it to everyone as soon as I'm done with my reading. I swear, I need to vent this out so I'll just finish up on my research and reading for a few days and you'll find out what it is. Something real personal.

Quick Update!

This will be very quick but not necessarily short entry because I am in the middle of watching Criminal Minds and I just dropped by my blog to see how everyone's been doing or if there are any messages or comments left for me.

In order to keep this as short and as quick as possible, I will be posting in a bulleted/numbered form:

1. Regarding my job interview yesterday: It went good. I came in 30 minutes early and got interviewed 10 minutes past my scheduled time. Now, don't get me started on how long and how the interview went but I stayed in the room for more than 30 minutes. I didn't find any question hard to answer which was a relief for me! After the interview I transferred to an exam room and well, obviously took a 3-part exam: spelling, problem solving and record entry via audio. When I was done with the exam I was asked to wait in the reception area for the result and after a couple of minutes I was approached by the same person who interviewed me and said I passed and she made me fill up an employment application form and told me to wait for my final interview. So, I was done with the form and I waited for not more than 30 minutes and she came up to me again, got my form and told me to just wait for their call tomorrow (which is today) for the job offer. No final interview for me! :) I'm still not sure about this though but it will be a good thing for me if I take this job besides, it will only be for about 3-6 months the most. Just something to keep me going than basically being stagnant at home PLUS I would have a salary. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Oh and if I accept whatever offer they have I will start working on March 1---this coming Monday!

2. I haven't been religiously visiting all of the blogs that I used to visit all the time and I am so sorry! I only get to visit and read some blogs at least once a week compared to almost everyday before. I think that's why I've been getting low number of visits, less comments and few messages unlike the past months. It is seriously making me sad but I know it's my fault cos I haven't been that active here anymore. My followers reduced from 13 to 8 and I feel bad. I am so so so sorry if you feel like I've been ignoring any of you or anything like that. It's just that there are days that even when you see me online of Facebook it doesn't mean that I'm on my blog or that I'm ACTUALLY active online, most days I just feel like lying down and staring blankly out and I am not in the mood to type or tell stories when in truth there are a lot of things in my mind that I would love to share and I'm just not in the mood to communicate with anyone. I am so sorry!

3. After typing number 2 I suddenly felt like crying. This is one of those days when I just feel down in the dumps for no reason (or rather EVERY reason) at all. Like I should be glad that I would get a job but then when I think about it it kind of makes me depressed and makes me want to crawl into bed. I don't know anymore!

Red Wine and an unexpected call.

I'm having my usual day of just staying in my room in front of my laptop with the lights off while watching/waiting for my downloads to finish/and playing poker on Facebook, the only different thing is I'm having a glass of wine tonight---okay, my SECOND glass when my Mom entered my room and handed me the wireless phone. She didn't even had the chance to answer my question: "Who is it?" (cos I don't normally get phone calls on the landline) I reached out for the phone and said my "hello". It was a guy's voice. He doesn't sound like any of my friends and he immediately called me in my complete name so that's a give away that I don't personally know him.

The "conversation" went something like this:

Me: Hello?

Guy: Hi, is this -my complete name-?

M: Yes, who's this?

G: -someone someone- (I didn't catch his name!) from -company- and I just read your CV for the -position-. You're still interested, right?

M: Yes, yes.

G: So, basically I will be conducting a phone interview right now. Would that be okay with you?

M: Okay, sure!

Wait, I would LOVE to share the whole conversation to everyone but I can't. It's still in my head but I can't type it. Hahaha! Wine's kicking already. But to cut the not-so-long story short, I had my very first phone interview while I'm having a drink alone in my room playing poker on Facebook. He asked me a few personal questions like what my hobbies are, if I have any vices, what my preferred working hours are, do I love to go out (this question seem a little a weird but he did ask me "Do you like to go out?" and I'm not sure what he meant), etc. etc. I'm not assuming nor exaggerating when I say this but it was a FUN phone interview. Like we're friends or something. :) I was caught off-guard, I'm totally unprepared for it but I found myself answering his questions and talking naturally. No stuttering, no mental block of any sort. We even laughed and sort of "joked" around. And man does he have a handsome voice! So blah blah blah, I'm going to have another interview tomorrow at 1PM. Unfortunately, it won't be with Mr. Handsome Voice, he gave me the name of the person to look for. Wish me luck on this one. This is nothing big but I would like to start working soon! And oh, if ever I get the job I'll start on the 28th. Remember my "to-do"? Have a job before February ends? Coolio! :) I hope this is it. If not, then okay, I hope this is it! LOL!

Criminal Minds.

One reason why I haven't been updating is because I'm currently hooked on Criminal Minds. I'm sure I have mentioned my "addiction" to 24 the past months and now that I'm done with Season 6, I started watching Criminal Minds and man is it good!

It's quite similar with CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) but also different in its own way. While CSI focuses on gathering and following the evidence to find the suspect, Criminal Minds is more into studying what the evidence says about the Unsub's (Unknown Subject of the Investigation) personality and lifestyle in order to find him.

It's really cool. I am so hooked that there was even a night when I had a dream I was one of the FBI BAU Agents (Behavioral Analysis Unit). I am about to start my second season once I'm done downloading it which is hopefully tomorrow! I can't wait!

Thanks to Yahoo! Images (mytv.wordpress.com).

Don't Look and You Will Definitely Find It.

While I was cleaning my room last month, certain things (or rather papers) started to float through my mind. Telling me to find them. So, since I was already going through all my stuffs that need to go and need to stay I also started to look for this certain thing. I have looked in every envelopes, folders and clear books I have of my College courses' handouts, I have searched every hand bags I have, I have browsed through my closet and my bookshelf but didn't find it.

I let it go but I still keep thinking about it for days. Draining my brain thinking where could I have possibly hid it. I was sure it was just somewhere at home, I didn't left it in my locker or anywhere else that I'm sure of.

For some miracle, just when I started not to think about it, IT found me. Or rather my Mom found it. It's not some expensive jewelry, shoes, clothes or anything that pricey but it is quite "sentimental".

My College Flowchart

I'm sorry the photo's small, it's just that I don't want it to occupy too much space here but if you could zoom it you could actually read every word written. 

So there, I'm so happy my Mom found this although it's a bit weird she found my flowchart and some of my missing course cards in HER bag. She also has no idea how it got there but I don't care, at least I found them! They are the missing "pieces" in my college remembrance thingies.

Thank You Ian!

My day was going slow as usual, I spent (and still spending) my day playing poker on Facebook. It's bad I'm getting addicted to it. I stayed up until 5 AM in the morning, woke up at 9:30 AM and started playing again after having breakfast at 10 AM. I'm almost playing for 12 hours now. That bad.

Anyway, while I folded my hand I checked my mail and found a comment waiting from my friend and you could actually read it on my "This is me catching up!" entry, I smiled while reading it. :)

My new layout is almost already and my header is done although I'm not really a fan of any shades of violet. Sorry for the hassle, Ian! But I really really really appreciate you making one for me. Really. You've been such a very nice friend. And remember, no rush. Plus I've PM'd you already for another suggestion. Thank you big time! At least I have something to look forward to and feel excited about. I have no luck yet with my job hunting and I don't know if I'll get a call from any of them anytime soon. 

So, there that's how my day went.

I can't stop thanking Ian. :)

My Top 10 EC Droppers for January.

Still a part of my catching up, I am about a week late in posting this but I'm here now, so no worries. I want to thank everyone who's been visiting and reading my blog and those who constantly leaves comments and messages on here. You don't know how I feel every time I hear from you guys. It's like I have butterflies in my stomach and I feel so excited reading whatever you have to say to me. Thanks a bunch and I hope to still see you around and hear from all of you. I have made good friends online and I'm thankful for it.

Here goes my Top 10 EC Droppers for the month of January:

1. RagingRev

2. C'est La Vie

3. I Love-Hate America

4. Mature Not Senile

5. Cuci Mata

6. Orient Lodge

7. Redhead Ranting

8. Home Buddies

9. Forced Green

10. Multi-Schemes for Income

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

And to show my appreciation, I would be posting my top 10 EC droppers EVERY month now. I'm still thinking of a little more incentive to give you but for now, giving you friends special mention is all I could think of. Sorry! I promise to come up with something soon since most of you know that I'm just a beginner when it comes to blog prices and stuff but I will update you as soon as my blog's a lot more stable and gets more than enough traffic and "avid" readers for funding. I'm so excited! 

If you have any suggestions please let me know. :)

This is me catching up!

I promised days ago that I will be back and will do some catching up on you guys. Sorry again if it took me this long to keep that promise. I just have a lot on my mind that I can't keep my focus straight. I've been thinking about getting a job (still!), I'm getting "addicted" to Facebook (playing Word Challenge and Poker), jogging and brisk walking but my mind's mainly occupied with the first one though. I feel like I'm just waking up just for the sake of waking up. I feel so lost!

Anyway, as promised here are some of the things that I've missed posting the last couple of weeks:

1. 

Another award for me! Here's the Triple Award that Mye of Blog Appetite gave me last January. I'm so so so sorry I only got to post it here just now. And thank you for giving me my blog its second award!! I feel like I'm doing a not-so-bad-job with my blog. Thank you!

I'm supposed to nominate and link up 10 people for this but my mind's not fully functional as of the moment so I'll add that up to my things to-do list, yet again.

2. 

And another one! Although this award isn't really like those other awards out there, Honest Scrap is about... well, being honest and I would like to thank Pehpot for this one. 

And so to follow the rules of this award, I will be posting 10 honest things about myself and I hope I won't bore you with it. :)

Ten Honest Things About ME:

1. I am scared of crawling insects and most reptiles. Roaches, spiders, snakes, alligators, they scare me to death I couldn't even look at them even if they're just in the movies.

2. My favorite things to do are: reading, watching TV and movies, listening to music, daydreaming, planning things and lately, JOGGING.

3. I get what I want. It might take some time but I have always gotten things that I wanted.

4. I am a firm believer of Karma. What goes around comes around. You get what you give. Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

5. I listen to almost all genres of music except Filipino rap, novelty, rock, alternative, and so on. So that's like saying I hardly listen to any Filipino songs except for old school Eraserheads, Rivermaya, Parokya ni Edgar and old Filipino love songs. 

6. I am friendly, sweet, thoughtful, shy, sensitive, hard headed, emotional, realistic, mean, crazy, touchy, loud, frank, sensitive.

7. I have been single for almost 3 years now and I am on a love/hate relationship being that way. There are days I am missing having someone to talk to, cuddle with and share the feeling with and some days I'm just glad I'm single. Most of the time though, missing wins.

8. I love taking pictures. I'm no professional but I love taking pictures of almost anything and anyone. I love keeping memories.

9. I am confident but when it comes to job interviews, I feel like passing out.

10. I am still in search of a job. Somewhere near my place, pays good and I would enjoy doing. 

Rules of this award:

1. List 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting even if you have to dig deep!

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

I could only think of 1 person to pass this award on to. Well, I have a lot on my mind but most of them already got this award. This one person I'm talking about is a friend I met online. I really think he should get this award though I'm not sure if he'll even post this. But still. Ian, this one's for you. :)

3. Ara! I'm sorry I haven't replied to your message (or comments) regarding the Copy Editor job. I would love to apply within this month if I still haven't heard from the companies that I've applied for last month. Promise! I'm just waiting for some of the calls since I have already been interviewed. You know, baka biglang tumawag eh one of the calls I'm waiting for is from my Dubai application. :) I will let you know soon.

There. That's 3 things down on my "catching up". I still have some photos and notes to share and my mind's just rumbling. Urgh! When will this pass!? 

I will be back again, soon!

I hope to hear from all of you!! 

Australian Open 2009

This is one of the biggest reason why I haven't been on for a while. I have been pre-occupied with watching tennis that I barely go online except to check Jobstreet, my mail and my Facebook account.

I was rooting and cheering for Roger Federer, the number 2 seed, to win the AO and although I admit that Rafael Nadal, the number 1 seed, is really good I still had my hopes for Roger to be the World's number 1 again. Unfortunately though, after 5 sets Rafael Nadal won with 7-5, 3-6, 7-6, 3-6, 6-2. It was a good match they've played but it's just too bad Roger lost. I really thought he'll be able to pull it off like the match he had with Tomas Berdych during the Round 4 of the tournament. Berdych had the first 2 sets in his advantage but third-fifth sets were Federer's. That match made so exhausted and tensed while watching.

Up next would be the Roland Garros and even though my brother is for Federer too, he said he'll have more of a hard time winning there but he's still my bet. Roger all the way!

On a related topic, while watching the tournament I saw some pretty promising players. And by promising I mean both good-looking and great-players-that-need-a-little-more-practice guys. One of them is Gilles Simon, world's number 6 seed. Right on top of Andy Roddick. Anyway, Gilles Simon made it to the quarterfinals of the tournament against Nadal. Obviously, he lost the match. Still, he became one of my new eye-candies. 

Here's a picture of him I got over the internet. Oh, how I love the world wide web! ;)

Gilles Simon [6]

He looks oh so.......hmmmm...especially when he plays. I hope to see more of him in the next tournaments: Roland Garros, US Open and Wimbledon. He looks really promising and I bet he could still improve especially his temper. So, enough tennis talk for me already. I've been to glued to it for 14 days already.

I am now going to concentrate on my personal health and with that being said, I'll be going to bed already cos I have to wake up at 4:30 AM and go jogging. :) I have several things planned for tomorrow. For now, sleep is essential. I'll update you again guys on how my past days have been while I was "absent" here. One at a time. One at a time. I still have a lot of catching up to do. :)

So, I'll see you all again tomorrow!!

By the way, if you want to see more news about the Australian Open 2009 you can visit their site at by clicking HERE. It's the official website so you can get to read the list of players and their rankings, previous matches and scores and several AO news.

photo c/o:

http://www.tennis.com

Is it working now?

It's been about a week since I've last posted here and I missed every one! I missed my blog. I missed Agitize and Entrecard. I missed my friends and visitors. I am so sorry for not being in touch these past couple of days. I have been extremely pre-occupied with a lot of stuffs i.e, watching Australian Open, applying for and attending job interviews, and thinking about a lot of things about my life.

I have a lot of things to share with you guys and I can't wait. I promise to post them one at a time starting tomorrow. I feel so excited about a lot of things today and I just can't keep my focus straight right now.

All I can say for today is:

1. I hope Adgitize is working. They had the glitch 5 days before the expiration of my ad. Tsk. I tried to login and it says they will be fully functional on the 5th of this month.

2. I still don't have a job and I'm nearing my deadline of end of February.

3. I will be posting regularly again starting today.

I hope you guys haven't forgotten me yet! :( You'll hear (or read!) from me again and I hope to still hear from you too.

See you!! :)