Tuesday Thought.

"I need to psych up more and focus! I'm losing hope and I think that's what's worse than having no job... losing hope."

-Mara de Guzman

Some good quotations about Hope (or at least those that applies to me):

George Bernard Shaw: "He who has never hoped can never despair."

Erik Erikson: "Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the stage of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even when confidence is ruined, trust impaired."

Winston Churchill: "The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

So much for me being proactive in the past weeks. I tried. You guys know I tried, right? I tried HARD.

Today however, I will give in and let out my frustrations... yet again. SORRY! I know I've been going on and on about me having difficulties landing a job, on and on about my financial constraints and then on and on about finally psyching myself up, feeling all happy like I have finally made peace with my worries but then... there are days like today. Today, where I am at a low point again and what's worse is that I actually have something to look forward to because I got an online stint which will help me pay and save up. Yesterday, I was feeling motivated. I went and apply to 3 companies again feeling high (in a natural good way) and hopeful then today I woke up feeling anxious, frustrated, confused and LOST.

Sorry, I'm bipolar.

I'll make it up tomorrow, hopefully! :) :) :) :)

P.S.

I think I'm going to start doing my scheduled posts days or even a week in advance to prepare for my online stint schedule for this month. I think that's part of my feeling anxious. I worry too much. I'm having a cup of coffee right now and it's helping a little.

Saturday Thought.

Something to ponder on:

"Happiness comes in many forms. In the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy, because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be."

-Lucas Scott (One Tree Hill)

So were you guys able to find something to smile about the last week? No matter how small or simple it was, make sure that you appreciate it.

As part of my practice to restore my optimism, I realized I have to make a list about the good things that are still happening in my life amidst the problem that I am facing. Maybe in this way I would mope less and be more positive. Here are the things that made me smile during the past week:

1. A friend introduced me to a job opportunity online and I have been applying. I have 10 applications in 2 days time and 1 interview.

2. I went to the mall and paid my cellphone bill.

3. I got this tweet from a friend:

4. I reached the 100 milestone of Followers on Twitter.

5. Another week for my favorite series: Grey's Anatomy, Fringe, Criminal Minds, CSI, How I Met Your Mother, Supernatural, FlashForward, Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill. Although I didn't enjoy this week's episode of CSI, Grey's and Criminal Minds. :| I cannot wait for Chuck next year.

6. I'm reviving my interest in pop music as my "easy listening". Hurray for Jesse McCartney, Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, Michelle Branch, Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys. ;)

7. I went to the SSS office and my SSS number will be mailed to me in a few weeks. No, it's not a new one. I just lost mine and I still don't have the ID yet.

8. It's going to be a whole new week again! Looking forward to whatever addition there is to my daily routine.

How about you guys?

Thursday Thought.

"Please don't let this be the end of the world... not yet."

-Mara de Guzman (and most of the human race)

This is just something crazy that I thought of when I woke up at 5AM today. It was raining and by 7AM the sun was still nowhere in sight and the skies were gray again. Why did I instantly thought of human extinction? Well, the past weeks had been terrible not just with the disastrous typhoons that hit the Philippines but the other calamities that happened in our neighboring countries like the earthquake in Indonesia, flash floods in Vietnam and the tsunami in Samoa and several wildfires in the America, and so on. I think it is too extreme already to be happening almost at the same time in days for intervals and having that amount of damage. It is just too scary.

The weather in the past 2 days were a lot tolerable. Too sunny but windy which I now prefer than having non-stop rain and flash floods. That's why when I woke up earlier, I said to myself "uh-oh. please don't let it rain hard." and thankfully it didn't although it's been drizzling almost the whole day now and it's colder than usual and the skies are still dark. Still, thank you for no rain.

Do I sound paranoid/traumatized now by this kind of weather?

Okay, I almost forgot to mention. I used to LOVE today's kind of weather because I can cozy up at home and eat and sleep but today's an exception because I have an exam and interview at 8AM. Not fair. I almost ignored my alarm clock and continued my sleeping. ;) But I didn't of course. I dragged myself up, ate breakfast, took a bath, got dressed and arrived 30 minutes early. My exam and interview are another story.

Tuesday/Wednesday Thought.

"There are just some things and/or some people that will be hard for you to let go of. You know how the song "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday" goes? It's 101% true."

-Mara de Guzman

I had quite a productive day than my usual yesterday, I have gone to two banks in different locations plus I was able to visit my Dad before heading home. That's when the above thought occurred to me, while I was having my Dad's grave cleaned up by some old man I unintentionally cried. At first I was just talking to my Dad, telling him stories, sharing my happy moments and my current problem and then when I was saying "I miss you Daddy-o", my voice cracked and I was crying. I realized how much I am still not over the fact that my Dad is gone. Sure, I miss him every single day, I miss hugging him, calling him and saying "hola! what's up Daddy?", and how less difficult life was when he was still with us. But visiting him there in the cemetery, it's like adding fuel to the fire or something.

Admit it. Whether you are a sentimental person who keeps candy wrappers given by your crush or not, the above thought still applies. Yes? No?

Sunday Thought.

Since my mind is an overflowing place of rants and raves, I believe this Sunday Thought of mine would be a daily habit under "Everyday Thoughts". I'm starting that.

Today's thought:

It is not like I am unemployed by choice. Okay... at first it was.

I graduated February of 2008 making me about 1 year and more than 7 months jobless, well not technically since I worked as a Catering Coordinator a month after graduation and quit after 3 weeks. My point is, I really need to work and the first few months after graduation and quitting my first job after that was really my decision. I realized I needed some time off from waking up early, going home late and having a new set of "routine" living all over again. Kind of like school life and I have been going to school for about 14 years. This time, I wanted to relax, spend FREE time staying in or going out and doing whatever whenever I want to. That plan was good for just a couple of months, I thought it would be less than hard to actually land a job, I guess I was wrong because now it has been more than a year... almost two actually and it is getting me a little depressed already and people telling me to "go look for a job already, that will solve your money problem" is starting to offend me.

First, I AM applying for jobs, I have been getting interviews but that's just about it. I have had more than a dozen interviews since I started applying in January 1, 2009. Second, I wouldn't be "complaining" about being jobless if I am not doing anything about it. I am not the all talk, less actions kind of person. I have the right to complain because I am doing something about my problem and I am not getting acceptable results. And third, I am not being picky. Of course I apply to positions that I actually like, but it is not limited to just one. I apply as a Receptionist, Recruiter, HR Assistant, Phone Screener, Office/Administrative Assistant, Management Trainee, Bank Teller, etc. and as you can see, my interests are a bit different so there's nothing picky about that.

Anyway, my "complaining" has stopped weeks ago and frustration is slowly taking over but I am not going to give in to it and I would still continue applying and hopefully, I get a job sooner than later. I am taking baby steps to improve both of my blogs, and use them to earn some decent amount while waiting for the real thing to happen. Again, I am not thinking of making blogging as a profession or a career... at least not yet. I'm saying that for the sake of some people who don't bother reading my whole entry and then tells me to "get my ass out and look for a job instead of complaining about it". I hope they read the whole thing.

As what Dr. Walter Bishop of the Fringe said:

"Faith... never a bad thing to have."

Right? ;)